The difficulties I ran into were small in number, but large in scope. The first was volume. The original intent was to match the Apple news sites like http://www.macrumors.com or [http://www.appleinsider.com](Apple Insider), reporting on the same essential events they did with a humorous twist, such as obviously false information, fake spy shots, deep personal gossip on the major players at Apple, etc. These sites however push out multiple high-content value posts per day. Keeping up would be very difficult. I intended to pre-write a significant quantities of articles but when doing so, I ran into the other problem: lack of material.

Folks, the tech world is a dry, dry place—current freakout over the iPhone prototype aside. It is damned hard to find humor opportunity in a rumor about the impending patch for iPhoto or when the next OS update is supposed to come out. Major events and announcements come rarely and while it’s easy to pole fun at the endless rumor cycle, it’s usually the same damn jokes over and over again, which is no fun. The gossip was to fill that hole, but how many jokes can you make about Steve Jobs’s secret personal life anyway? I did enjoy working in Highlander references into the Apple/Google feud but that ran out of fire fast.

I also found out that to stay current on Apple news and rumors would be a full time job in itself. Working a full time job, and not having eight hours to day catching up on Apple minutiae leaves a lot of gaps. How was I supposed to keep up? Other parody sites, like The Onion have full-on teams of writers to maintain its massive output—as well as a broader focus. A one-man show simply wouldn’t be able to cut it. In the end, I’m glad to let Apple Outsider go. It’s one less albatross around my neck keeping me from other projects, plus one less domain to renew each year.

With $600 to spend, I rolled the dice, and chose the bottom-of-the-line G4 Mac mini, with a 512 MB RAM upgrade. Along with it, I purchased an Apple Keyboard to replace my beloved IBM Model M keyboard³, a necessary investment the IBM lacked the Command key. Within a week of ordering the mini, Apple refreshed the line, making 512 MB of RAM standard. Apple immediately refunded my upgrade cost, which earned them brownie points from the get-go. Waiting for it to arrive was the hardest part, but at last, come late July of 2005, I found the Mac mini at the door, when I left to go to my summer class at the Community College of Philadelphia. I had to be patient.

Once I had set everything up and copied over all the data from my old computer, I connected my digital camera to transfer over the photos that I had neglected to transfer for months. As soon as the camera turned on, iPhoto opened and displayed a message asking if I would like to transfer my photos. I did not have to install anything. I did not have to configure anything. I did not have to perform an arcane set of commands to make sure I could access the files.⁴ I could have cried when it finished. After all, it was 2005—why should I have had to bother with arcane terminal commands to do something so mind-numbingly simple?

The Mac mini was my primary computer for nearly three years, even as the entire Macintosh line went Intel. I upgraded the mini to a full gigabyte of RAM, and added a 250GB external HD. Before starting at Temple University, I picked up a refurbished, last generation iBook G4 to take to classes, and used the two machines in tandem.⁵ When my roommate’s computer died in 2008, I lent him the Mac mini, and I used the iBook as my primary computer for over a year. In May of 2008, for graduating, I got a MacBook—my first Intel Mac, and it’s still here. I’ve drank the Kool-Aid, and I like it.

1. To give you an idea, one of them now works for Dreamhost, and could write shell scripts in her sleep with one hand tied behind her back, with a Dvorak keyboard.
2. Some of these, I should actually go back and read over again. I really would like to automate more stuff on my Mac.
3. The IBM Model M is, without a doubt, the greatest keyboard ever made. Other keyboards have their partisans. I know John Gruber stands by his vintage Apple Extended II keyboard, but nothing is quite like a Model M. The darn thing was built like a tank. The key caps were two pieces, so you could rearrange to, say, Dvorak, without breaking a sweat. It clicked, loudly, so you always sounded productive. What’s not to love? I currently rock an aluminum Apple Wireless Keyboard, and it’s almost as good, just too quiet.
4. While using Linux to get photos off of my camera, I had to open a terminal session, switch to root, run gphoto2, and then change the ownership and permission for every image. This was due to some sort of quirk involving USB device permissions, and it was a pain in the rear to do.
5. Oddly, this iBook had a problem with the main exhaust fan—it didn’t work. I didn’t figure this out for over a year, as the machine didn’t have any problems unless I kept it running somewhere that would let the heat build up. Another piece of electronics built like a tank.

My weight hasn’t been a dire health hazard. My most recent checkup proved as such, as the doctor evaluated me to be in pretty good condition.² Over the years, I’ve actually maintained a very philosophical attitude towards my spare tire. I’ll joke about it when talking with thinner, healthier friends, and damn it, it’s sincere humor. If I can’t laugh at myself, then who can I laugh at, anyway? This would seem to be the first year I’ve bothered to take the whole weight loss enterprise with a bit of sincerity, and with a legit approach beyond simply “eat less, move more.”³

Eating less is the bigger part of it, which is translating into keeping track of calorie consumption. Thank whoever for the Lose It! app for the iPhone. Lose It! calculates the number of calories per day one would need to consume to lose x amount of weight, with a plan of losing y pounds per week, based on age, height, and other basic factors.⁴ Combine this with a database of food and calorie information, it allows me to keep tabs on the things that pass through my lips. There have been some shockers.⁵

The other thing I’ve decided to do differently is a promising myself joyous rewards at different milestones. I’ve decided on the following:

1. Below 215 pounds: Purchase a six pack of St. Bernardus Abt 12 beer.
2. Below 200 pounds: Allowed to order an absurdly bad for me meal.⁶
3. Hit 180 or below: Go out to a really nice restaurant for a really nice meal.

It’s early yet, but I think I should be able to buy myself the beer by the end of the month. It’s a start. I’ll be evaluating whether I can afford to get a gym membership next, but even if I can’t, I’ll probably step up the exercise end of things soon. The Two Hundred Situps plan sounds like an appealing start for home fitness.

1. My mother is a wonderful cook, and as she often had to cook for a family of 7, often made far more food than an appropriate serving would be for one growing young lad. Living on my own, I’ve had the same issue of quantity cooked versus quantity to consume.
2. Blood pressure good, cholesterol on the highish side (195), but still reasonable, and every other basic test showing me to be in little danger of keeling over and dying in the near future.
3. This approach, however, is the foundation of how I’m trying to shed the pounds.
4. In my program, I’m looking to get down to 180 pounds, losing 2 per week. Right now, this is allowing a daily budget of about 1800 calories a day.
5. One little chocolate covered donut hole is bloody 80 calories!
6. I’m not sure if I’ll make this pizza and wings, or a cheesesteak and wings.