Fear and Consequences
I’ve spent the last few days living in fear. I’ve been afraid of the consequences of a mistake I made, and a very dumb mistake too. It has the potential to ruin my professional life, and more. What sets this mistake apart from the countless others in my life is that it could effect a lot of people, and their careers as well. Forgive the vagueness, but the nature of the mistake, its potential impact, and the audience of this site make me wary to go into details.
Fortunately, it seems that the worst has passed. I’ll find out for sure in a week or so. Talking with people aware of the issue has also helped me gain some perspective—it may not be as bad as I have made it out to be in my head. Still, worry is what I do best, and it didn’t help that this whole thing coincided with a bout of illness, which never helps anything. It’s affected my sleep, my appetite, and my ability to write. [^1]
There’s talk about failing upwards, the idea that the people who make mistakes go on to better things because they’re known. I’ve written about owning your own failures. Neither of these were any consolation in the late, worrisome hours, or during the hours of busy work fixing my mistake before the Sword of Damocles could fall. I’ll be satisfied when I know for sure the end result, but I’ve done all I can, and as far as I can see, it looks to be safe. What I’m not sure about is how far I’m able to see.
[^1] Which is why I’m posting this late.