On September 10th, Apple will announce the iPhone 5S, a slightly updated iPhone 5 with the same basic form factor, and one new bonus hardware specific feature, possibly a fingerprint scanner. They will also announce a “low-cost” model, the iPhone 5C, with a plastic shell in multiple colors. They will announce iOS 7’s release date, and a small revision to the Apple TV and iPod lines, including (possibly) a new iPod nano design (again).

Apple’s stock price will go down on the news that Apple is not innovative enough with their latest updates to the iPhone line, despite the fact that they always release small updates on off-years, and have since the iPhone 3G[S]. The Apple TV will be criticized for not being an actual TV, despite there being no indications that Apple will actually manufacture a television set. Pundits will also decry the lack of an iWatch, again despite there being no indications Apple has such a product even close to ready to announce. Some will also complain that Apple did not announce new iPads, or Mac hardware, despite typically having stand-alone events for those announcements. More articles will appear complaining about Tim Cook’s lack of leadership and how miserable of a CEO he is compared to Steve Jobs.

The iPhone 5S and iPhone 5C will go on to sell a stupid amount of units the weekend of its release, and the stock price will rebound slightly. Meanwhile, the rumor mill will wind up for the upcoming iPad and Mac event that is likely to happen in October. Pundits will complain that the iMac does not have a Retina display, that the new Mac Pro is overpriced, and Mavericks is not “revolutionary” enough. Then the hype cycle can begin in earnest for WWDC, where Apple is certain to announce the new Apple TV SDK, xMac, and the Jony Ive redesigned OS X 10.10.

Repeat ad nauseum, each year. Wake me when my AT&T contract’s up for renewal.